Whipped CocoGasm W/ Berries

Fresh Strawberries, Almonds, Coconut Cream

Fresh Strawberries, Almonds, Coconut Whipped Cream

I created this delicious dessert with the help of Melissa Joulswan from the amazing paleo recipe book: Well Fed: Paleo Recipes for People Who Love to Eat. She calls it “Berries and Whipped Coconut Cream,” but it should really be called Whipped CocoGasm W/ Berries.

If you are looking for a fresh tasting dessert to back down your cravings for sugary substitutes while fasting your body from junk on a diet, please, please, please try this! Minimal effort used in prepping this masterpiece.

What you will need: (Ingredients Melissa Calls For w/ my added differences)

-1 Can (14.5 Ounces) coconut milk. 

 -I used 13.5 Ounces of Coconut Milk, made MORE than enough. 

-2 Cups Fresh berries: strawberries, raspberries, and/or blueberries

 -I used fresh strawberries, I wish I had some fresh blue berries to sprinkle on top. 

-1 teaspoon pure almond or vanilla extract

 -I used 1 teaspoon, there is a faint vanilla taste, add another TSP if you want more vanilla tasting cream.

-2 tablespoons sliced almonds

-I just poured a handful out into the pan. 

-2 tablespoons caramelized coconut chips

     -I didn’t caramelize my coconut chips/flakes I just threw them in w/ the almonds and browned them. 

Step One: CocoPrep

This recipe comes with a little preparation before just jumping right in. Your coconut milk needs to be nice and cold. It is recommended that you keep your milk in the refrigerator over night so it is thoroughly cold, but I left mine in from the morning till I got out of work at 11pm (about 8-9 hours) and it worked perfectly fine.

Before you start, take your can of coconut milk, the mixing bowl you are going to use and your mixing tool and place it in the freezer for a little bit.

Step Two: AlmonCoco Frenzy

-Grab your sliced almonds and your coconut chips/flakes and throw them in your skillet or pan on high temp. Constantly stir these little guys until they get a golden brown/crispy. Keep an eye on them because the hotter they get the faster they will just burn. My first batch burned black because I walked away for a second.

-Get them out into a separate bowl when finished. Maybe grab a few and stick them in your mouth and taste that great flavor of almond and coconut together.

***If you choose to caramelize your coconut flakes, it is probably best not to throw them in with the almonds, it is your choice.

Step Three: “Whip it Good!”

-Take your items out of the freezer, they should be really cold by now.

-Turn your can upside down and open it from the bottom. It took me a little bit of fighting, but I finally got it. Depending on the quality milk and the thickness it has become there might be some excess water that separated, dump that portion out.

-Add your milk to your mixing bowl and go ahead and your TSP of Vanilla Extract into the milk.

-Turn your mixer on to the highest setting, I used a regular hand mixer because I am too poor to have an amazing kitchen aid mixing stand, but this work just fine. You will be mixing this milk and vanilla on high-speed for about 5-8 minutes.

-Your mix should turn whip cream-like. It should be light and fluffy.

Step Four: Plating Genius 

-Grab a smaller bowl or a plate and throw your fruit onto it.

-Add a dollop or two (1-2 TBSP) of the whipped cream to your fruit.

-Sprinkle the AlmonCoco Frenzy over the top and some blueberries if you have them.






Spicy Lemon Pineapple Chicken (SLPC)

I’m on this Paleo diet (or at least trying my best to be on this diet) and I came home from work, opened the fridge to see if I had anything to snack on and I was left with nothing, but Almonds and some Hazelnuts. I love nuts, you know they are delicious, but I just wasn’t feeling nuts in my mouth at that moment. Take a moment to get your mind out of the gutter. Don’t worry, I’ll wait. By my surprise I forgot that I took some chicken breast out to thaw, fuck it, let’s make some chicken. How can I make this different than usual though? My normal process is to chop it up, throw it in a pan with some dull spices and eat it like that with some select vegetables. I was feeling funky, this would be the night that SLPC was born!

Spicy Lemon Pineapple Chicken - Photo Credit Me

Spicy Lemon Pineapple Chicken – Photo Credit Me

What you will need:

-Chicken Breast – I used 5 breasts of chicken so I can portion it out throughout my week. I live alone. So, if you are cooking for a family try to portion out how much breasts you’ll actually need to grab. ;)

-A lemon – Try to get a semi-ripe lemon. It will be firm with a little squish to it. (1-2 slices)

-A Pineapple – I bought pre-sliced pineapples for my smoothie mixes, but feel free to buy a whole pineapple and chop it up yourself. (2-3 Cubes)

Extra Virgin or Virgin Olive Oil (1 TBSP)

-An Assortment of Spices/Herbs:

  • Ground Pepper (Approx. 1 TBSP)
  • Red Pepper Flakes (Approx. 1 TBSP)
  • Oregano Leaves (Approx. 1 TSP)
  • Parsley (Approx. 1 TSP)
  • Sea Salt (Approx. 1 TSP or Pinch)
  • Cayenne Pepper Powder (Approx. 1 TSP)
  • Garlic Powder (Approx. 1 TBSP)
  • Garlic Salt (Approx. 1 TSP)

*Most of those are Approximate because we are messing with some spicy materials here. If you do not like your food to have a flame to it, use less than directed. If you like it with a flame to it, amp up the red pepper flakes and the cayenne pepper.

Here are the steps to create an amazing foodgasm:

Step One: Cooking Device

-Prepare your frying pan or Sauté Pan. I used a Paula Deen Signature Porcelain Red 5 QT Covered Deep Sauté Pan. (Yes, I was paid to mention that……no, not really) Stick it on your stove burner on a high temp. This would be your perfect medium high temp where you know shit won’t burn, but you know it will cook. We all have that one special notch in our knobs…

-Add in your olive oil

 Step Two: Chicken Prep

-Get that chicken out. I prefer my chicken to be organic, free roam, I feel like that chicken tastes and smells a whole lot better than the highly produced chicken that we are used to picking up at the store. Rinse or do not rinse? That is up to you, for this I did not rinse. Remove any fat or any veins that are still in the chicken so you have a nice looking couple of breasts staring you right in the face.

-Plop those breasts right into the pan, let them get cooking on the bottom side. While that is happening make sure you have your spices ready.

Step Three: Spice School

-Start with your most potent of spices (cayenne, red pepper, black pepper…) and sprinkle them all over the top side. Do not completely cover them, but make sure you can tell they are seasoned.

-As soon as you finish, flip them so their bottom is up. Now, follow the same step above. What you’re doing here is cooking those spices right into the chicken from the start. By the time you are done seasoning the bottom, flip them right back around. The top portion should be a little brown and you will notice that all of the spices are sticking right to the chicken.

-Congrats you just spiced the hell out of that chicken and gave it an amazing flavor….but wait, there is more!

Step Four: Lemon/Pineapple Fusion

-Grab your pineapple and your lemon. Place it right in the center of your pan, or in the areas of “negative chicken space” This means, the spaces between the chicken where you can just see straight down to the pan, plop them right in there and let them get cooking.

-Letting them cook will get them soft and allow their juices to spread through the pan under the chicken.

-Next – flip the chicken if needed. Should let the chicken sit on each side 3-5 minutes during each flip. Then place your pan lid on and let it get steamy in there.

Step Five: Juicy

-If you’re feeling brave, grab the lemon with your fingers (or use tongs..if you don’t have those, use to spoons) and squeeze out the remaining juices and rub them on the chicken. Let it sit for a minute. Flip the chicken over and squeeze juice onto the bottom.

-Repeat this step for the pineapples.

-Keep the pineapples and lemon slices in the pan and place the lid back on.

******Feel free to add a bit more spices as the process is cooking. The longer you cook, the more the spices will cook down, just remember the more potent spices will take a lot longer. So at this point you are probably losing the garlic powder, garlic salt, oregano taste….just add a bit more

Step Six: Just FORK it! 

-Your chicken should be tender enough to achieve this next task. There is a cheap trick to get flavors up through the chicken without marinating it for a day and night. You will not get that deep flavor though the chicken like marinating, but you will still get a fantastic taste indeed.

-Grab a fork or spork or whatever you can use to poke through the chicken. Poke all the way through the chicken in a few spots. Flip the chicken over and add a few more pokes. This will not make you lose the cosmetic goodness of your breasts…but what will it do?

-Well, at this point you should have quite a bit of juices floating around the bottom of your pan from the chicken, steam, and the fruit. Once you replace the lid back on, the steam will be allowed to travel from under the chicken, through then holes, thus delivering some flavor moisture to the tender meat inside. Trust me, it works.

Step Seven: Plating

-Once finished, your chicken should be a nice tender golden brown with visible spices sticking to it.

-Plate one breast on a plate and spoon some remaining juices on top of the breast to give it a more robust flavor. (foodgasm alert)

-I would add some asparagus to this and a side of salad (none of that iceberg stuff, use the good baby spinach stuff)



Smoothiocalpyse – A Diet Experience

Like a lot of Americans who think they are too fat to live, I have decided to go on a diet, but not just any diet. The Paleo Diet! As in…paleolithic or caveman diet. Basically you roam around the world and you eat everything and act like a caveman. It works well, especially if you’re killing a deer on your neighbor’s front lawn at 6am when they are leaving for work.

…but in all seriousness, you will go your life eating vegetables, fruits, and meats, just like the cavemen did back in the day. It is not too hard, except when you don’t get full because you are completely cutting out those easy-to-grab carbs from your diet and all the junky types of foods we all eat. Vegetables have carbs in them, but not as much as a piece of pizza, bread, and all that other stuff…so you don’t get that “full” feeling as fast.

My daily diet usually consists of:


-hard boiled eggs

-grapes, carrots, leafy greens

-meat: chicken/beef



I like to switch it up here and there so I am not eating the same stuff everyday, because once you start doing that you get bored of the food you’re eating and you end up straying from that path of great dieting.

When are you getting to the smoothies Josh? – chill the fuck out, we’re getting there.

The title of this post is called Smoothiocalpyse because once I started making these smoothies, I really don’t think I’m going back. Why? Basically, they are extremely delicious, easy to make, and you can get your servings of fruits and veges all in one place. I will share 2 versions of smoothies that I have made so far and you will see how easy it is to make.

Smoothie 1: The BanaBerry Monster

You will need:

  • Kale
  • Strawberries
  • Bananas
  • Ice
  • Water
  • Blender
  • Cup, Jar, or some type of container to put it in…..duh

-Take about 2-4 ‘stems’* of kale, rinse them off under cool water, and peal the leafs from the stem. Place them in the blender. The more you put in, the greener the smoothie will be. I usually use 3 ‘stems’ of kale depending on the size.

*’stem’ – people call them “leaves” of Kale, but I call them stems. I’m weird like that. Just deal with it.

-Take 2 bananas, peel them, throw them in the blender. You can chop them up or throw them in whole. I guess it depends on the size of your blender and what type of load your blender can take. I tried chopping and whole and it turns out the same…same time, doesn’t overload, its brilliant.

-Grab your strawberries, tough to find good quality strawberries in the northeast around this time of year, but grab them anyway, rinse them off. Feel free to chop off the ends where the leaves are, I don’t I just throw them bastards in whole. I use about 4-6 strawberries depending on the size.

-Grab a handful of ice, 5-6 cubes…or whatever fits in your hand. Throw them in the blender. Then take some water. DO NOT USE MILK, ALMOND MILK, SOY MILK. USE WATER. Fill your blender half way or a little bit more to smooth out the mix once its blended. If you want it more liquid-y, add more water.

-Turn on the blender and wake up your neighbors.

-You want to make sure everything is broken down and it creates a SMOOTHie. Your mix should be nice and green and taste delicious.

-Making it like this, you will probably get 2-3 8oz jars filled to the brim. I like to make 3 for my day; breakfast, lunch, and dinner beverages.


*Also, I have added blackberries and raspberries to the BanaBerry Monster! They take the green to a brown color though, so if you’re cool with going from green to brown, go ahead. It adds a little bit of a bitter/sweet taste to the mix. Both versions are delicious.

 – – – –

Smoothie 2: The PineMango

You will need:

  • Kale
  • Bananas
  • Mangos
  • Pineapple
  • Coconut Water
  • Water
  • Ice

-Take about 2-4 ‘stems’* of kale, rinse them off under cool water and peal the leafs from the stem. Place them in the blender. The more you put in, the greener the smoothie will be. 3-4 stems will suffice.

-Take 2 bananas, peel them, throw them on the floor. Seriously, just put them in the blender, where else would you put them?

-Throw in a handful of ice. 5-6 cubes, chunks, pieces, chips

-Cut up a mango, throw them in the blender too.

-Take some cubes of pineapple, either fresh or pre-cut and throw them right on top of the mango. Create a mango/pineapple love fest, make the bananas jealous. I usually use 6-10 cubes of pineapple.

-Take your coconut water. . . look at the ingredients and make sure it just says “Coconut Water” under ingredients. You don’t want to see anything else, it is best to do this at the store, if not, just punch yourself in the neck. This is supposed to be healthy, don’t add death to your smoothie! My coconut water says “coconut water and coconut pulp” so it is extra coconut-y. Add as much coconut as you think you can handle, I poured half the bottle into my smoothie.

-Add some water to smooth it all out. I filled my blender just over the half mark w/ water. It is your call.

-Blend that shit up.

-I was able to fill 3 8oz Mason Jars up to the rim, you should be able to do the same. If you do it right, the mix should come out a purple-blue color. See below.

The PineMango!

The PineMango! (purple-blue was an obvious joke)

Go ahead and try them out – I know my recipes aren’t “professional” but imagine just sitting here and reading a boring-ass recipe written by yours truly. It wouldn’t be me. I hope you try these smoothies out and as I make more, I will be giving you more recipes. :D


My Current Thoughts…about you

Emptiness fills where you should stand.

Darkness illuminates your body.

Time grinds slow like watch filled with sand.

Figuring out what makes you godly.

Your touch, your smell, your taste.

Sends me tingling, breathing hard.

Am I hopelessly relying on fate?

Counting the miles to see how far.

How long? How many seconds I’ll wait.

To fall into your eyes another time.

I throw myself out to you like bait.

Knowing what we’ll have will be sublime.


On the Menu!

Sausage Pasta

Sausage Pasta it is!

Alright, so I didn’t make up this recipe myself, in fact you can find the actual recipe right here on facebook.

The Recipe is as follows:

Pasta, Tomatoes, Veggie Broth, Olive Oil, and Seasonings (details below)

Throw it all in the pot, INCLUDING the uncooked Pasta, and cook! – Bring it to a boil, then reduce to a simmer. The starch leaches out of the pasta and makes a rich, warm sauce for the noodles. The other ingredients cook right along with the pasta

12 ounces pasta (I used Linguine)
1 can (15 ounces) diced tomatoes with liquid ( I used zesty red pepper flavor)
1 large sweet onion, cut in julienne strips
4 cloves garlic, thinly sliced
1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes
2 teaspoons dried oregano leaves
2 large sprigs basil, chopped
4 1/2 cups vegetable broth (regular broth and NOT low sodium)
2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
Parmesan cheese for garnish


Place pasta, tomatoes, onion, garlic, basil, in a large stock pot. Pour in vegetable broth. Sprinkle on top the pepper flakes and oregano. Drizzle top with oil.

Cover pot and bring to a boil. Reduce to a low simmer and keep covered and cook for about 10 minutes, stirring every 2 minutes or so. Cook until almost all liquid has evaporated – I left about an inch of liquid in the bottom of the pot – but you can reduce as desired .

Season to taste with salt and pepper , stirring pasta several times to distribute the liquid in the bottom of the pot. Serve garnished with Parmesan cheese.

I went right ahead and used some whole wheat pasta for my version of “Sausage Pasta” and as you can see, in her recipe there is no protein. I added some hot sausage to my mix, but with a bit of a twist. Instead of taking that boring version and chopping up the sausage and throwing it in, I stuck the pasta right through the sausage links. This way, when it is done cooking, all I have to do is plop a sausage onto a plate and the pasta will follow.

I am lactose retarded (intolerant) so I didn’t add any of the cheese, I did however sprinkle a little bit of sea salt into my pot, stirring occasionally to keep the flavor distribution. I also added a bit of black pepper, I like my stuff with a little kick.

I kept it boiling a bit longer just to cook the sausage up more and I am keeping it on a high simmer for the remainder of the cooking period. Your pasta will probably not be al dente, but I guarantee you will love the taste of it. Let me go take a spoon to it real quick and I will let you know the exact taste……


Even though there is quite a bit of broth left over still, it has a semi-creamy taste to it. With the perfect amount of balance between the basil and spices added and great sausage flavor distribution throughout. I cannot wait to plate this dish.

Plate 1

– – – – – – –

Some things I would have changed.

1. Added larger bits of the vegetables: I’m a dude, I like big chunky foods, I would have either chopped my own tomatoes or bought some larger diced tomatoes. They are about dime sized in my mix here. Quarter size would be perfect.

2. I am not really a fan of boiled meats, makes them look extremely bland which causes issues when you are trying to plate a dish and make it look beautiful. Next time, I think I will fry or grill up these links and then fork them with the pasta. Also, when forking them with the pasta this time I pushed a lot of the sausage out of the link…so maybe cooking it first will keep it together. We will know for next time.

3. Maybe make this dish earlier in the day instead of right after work. It is 1:18am right now.


Plate 2



I wanted to try and start this off with something extremely intriguing so I can get you hooked, but I don’t even know what the hell I’m talking about…

I started this blog a little bit ago, had about 20 entries and basically I took a step away from things to reevaluate my own life, which led me away from this blog. It’s horrible I know, I left all of my fans hanging without any word. If that were only true. The good thing is, I am back and I have a new semi-solid hold on life. I also have a new type of inspiration that is pulling me along to actually be something in life and step out of the dull crowd that we all seem so eager to jump in.

I have always been creative, I have always wanted to be an actor, I have always strived to make a name for myself, but I always feel as though I start a project and then I fail it. After taking my “break from life” and finding inspiration through such things as, Vine, Instagram, YouTube, Love, and Friends I finally have a stellar idea.

I am going to use this platform to the max by integrating my life and sharing it with you. I don’t want to just talk about my day, but I want to share inspiration, helpful tips in life, and maybe even possibly some side things like adventures I’ve been on, food that I make (I’m pretty good), and feels that I feel. I will incorporate pictures and video when I can and I will also provide you with my social media links so that you can follow me on-the-go.

I want to thank my friend and inspiration Kait for pushing me along.